Actually there are five. There were only going to be three taken out at first but when they read the book again, the British publishers, still got frightened so they cut out two more.

Flat Cat

Dad drove over the cat last week;
He was old and deaf and fast asleep
And so was the cat.

But poor old Pussy did not deserve
What he got when Dad didn't swerve
And now he's a mat.

Tiger, Tiger Burning Bright

Tiger, tiger burning bright
Who the hell set you alight?

The Cleanest Cat In The World

Our cat fell asleep in the washing machine
And now he's the cleanest that he's ever been.
Don't try this at home. This has to be said.
For as well as dead clean, he's also clean dead.


Piranhas in pajamas
Would be a lot more fun
Than boring old bananas
Let’s hear it for P1.

Piranhas in pajamas
Would like to play with you
And eat up all your arms and legs
Let’s hear it for P2.

The Mayfly

The Mayfly is the stupidest
Of all the little flies
It hatches out without a mouth
So pretty quickly dies.

Author's notes -
  1. If your head has exploded, go straight to an adult and ask for two aspirins and a big bandage.
  2. Keep away from tigers with boxes of matches.
  3. Always check under the car for sleeping cats. (Flat Cat is my favourite poem in the whole book and I wrote it to cheer up a friend of my daughter who's poor old cat actually did get squashed by her dad)
  4. NEVER put things that breathe into washing machines, except geography teachers.

Go Back